nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
