Yo dont text me then not text me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
