She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
