If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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