I just threw up on my dentist
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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