when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Welp...herpes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
