What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
