how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
