im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
