new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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