no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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