I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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