They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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