I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
