It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
