Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
