Moan for me like Helen Keller
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
