I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
