why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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