There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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