I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
