you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
