he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
