You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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