White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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