I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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