just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize