it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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