he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
