the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
