and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
