You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
