i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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