I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
