I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
