Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
