Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
