I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Houston, we have a squirter
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
