Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
