I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
