hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
