He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
