There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
