Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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