Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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