After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize