does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i dont even know how to be here
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
