So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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