ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
