sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
