OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
