Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
