come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to make out with him forever
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
is it fun? or sober?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize