tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
