I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
