I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
