I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
