Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
