He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
