apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
