Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
