Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
