Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
