yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
