at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
