I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
