I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
