Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
