I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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