If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
