you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
