So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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